Panda gets $100 million 5 year deal with Red Sox

This page from it's conception has given you Panda updates, and no matter how much it pains me to do so I will report on this one as well. Pablo Sandoval reportedly will receive $100 million in 5 years from the Boston Red Sox after passing the upcoming physical, though Bostonian camp has not reported on it due to apparent bean town weirdness, the report is all over baseball news and if it is not true I may be a new hire at some wonderful sports giant such as ESPN or Vice Sports. So anyways it is a sad day for San Francisco who did actually offer him a fair contract but I believe the AL is what attracted the Panda to the bitter cold of New England, the fact that if he ate too much bamboo to hang out at third he could always become a DH in the waning years of his career. Sure Boston doesn't have much to offer when it comes to weather, bitter cold and snow in the winter, along with the wonderfully humid summers and a short window of a few weeks that make up fall and spring. But it's completely superior to the unchanging almost constant weather in San Francisco, why would you ever want to live somewhere where it is 63° F in late November in the evening, why that sounds like hell.
So now the poor suckers in the bay have to find a new third baseman, though they will be able to replace the third base position they will never be able to replace the panda, so to Pablo good luck, and we thank you for all your years with the Giants!